The life of a “Housewife”

This week my friend flagged up an article on Facebook titled “Can a working mother be as good at her job after maternity leave?” on the Telegraph website.  Despite not currently falling into this category, but being someone who one day hopes to return to the workforce, I wanted to have a read.  In a previous life I was once from a similar industry to the writer, so as I scrolled through the paragraphs I read with empathy and understanding as she described how guilty she felt and how difficult it is to be pulled in two directions, only seemingly to never succeed at either endeavor as a mother or in her career.

That is until I reached the paragraph where she says she could think of “nothing worse than being a housewife.” This then got me thinking.  Would I now be described as a housewife?

She goes onto say that as she grew up the dominant narrative in her life was that women who gave up their careers to look after their children were seen as “inferior, devoid of substance and lacking in drive.”   That none of her graduate friends are stay at home mothers as their careers are just too precious to “squander”.

BC (before Coco), I worked as a freelance entertainment publicist in large, fast-paced PR agencies.  Clients were demanding, the work all-consuming and the hours were often long.  At times, I was so stressed I couldn’t sleep or eat but it was fun and without even realising it, it became a large part of who I am.  I worked hard to ensure that I became an Account Director before I left on maternity leave, so if I decided to return I could come back at the same level.  

As it turns out, I haven’t returned to work as yet, but have stayed at home looking after Coco and we are now expecting our second baby in September.  I am very lucky to be in a position to have the option to do this, and I think I will look back and cherish the years I have with my children whilst they’re so young.  But this decision has been far from easy.  As my husband works seven days a week in the summer running a family business, the decision to stay at home and “give up” my career hasn’t been a cut and dry one.   I desperately miss my old life and I have often felt jealous of friends who celebrate their success as they continue to climb the career ladder, whilst I continue to spend my day wiping bottoms and praying the next meal I make is eaten rather than thrown on the floor.   Whilst motherhood has most certainly taken its toll on my ability to have an interesting conversation, I highly resent the insinuation made in this article that I have “squandered” my career and consequently become an inferior person.

Despite the baby brain and the crisis of confidence, I still consider myself an intelligent, funny and sociable woman.  I hope that once my children are a little older, I will be in a position to return to PR, or if not, perhaps change direction and start a new, exciting endeavor where I will be able to focus my time a little better on the challenges ahead.   Not thrown on the scrap heap as the article may suggest. 

I am fully supportive of working mums.  Almost all of my friends hold down a job and motherhood and I have the utmost respect for them, especially as this is sometimes a necessity rather something they would choose. Equally, I have friends and family who have decided to focus solely on their kids.  They love being mums and they have fulfilling lives.  Whatever people decide to do, surely the most important thing is that everyone is happy and healthy as they can be?  Rather than belittling others, for me, being a feminist is to support other women, and men for that matter, whether they strive ahead in their careers or stay at home as a “housewife.”  Nothing is permanent and although I may be currently at home caring for my children, my career is far from over.  I have high hopes for the future and what I can succeed for myself, outside of being a mother.  Rather than lacking drive, I would say the opposite, and any business would be lucky to have me or any other full-time mum.

Gemma x